The Wound of Relationship.
I recently posted this on Facebook and some people seemed interested. So here it is again.
This is not about the wounded masculine or the wounded feminine. This is about the wound BETWEEN the masculine and feminine, or to put it more simply, the huge ravine between men and women.
I see it all the time, it’s in the eyes and the hearts of all my women clients.
At the core they feel abandoned, deserted and betrayed. By fathers, lovers, husbands, teachers, ministers, by men.
There is a lot of anger.
And underneath that there is an ocean of grief.
The healing that so many women want is in that grief. And damn it guys, they need us to know it, to see it, to stay present while they dive into that ocean. If you can stay present, and pretty much silent, no fixing, no remedy, while they go there, something might happen. But you have to be humble and strong enough.
Women are as deep as the ocean. That singular truth has terrified men for centuries. Men are physically stronger than women (generally) and that only supported the idea of domination.
And so it started. The relational domination and abuse began centuries ago. Patriarchy, misogyny and oppression are embedded in both women and men.
The rules are written by men. The paradigm is masculine. Sure women can get on, be successful, be incredibly powerful etc etc but the game is written in patriarchal stone tablet. White men of power write the rules, and all men, notably the white men, play the game. Women do the best they can.
But it's a man's world. With rules deeply embedded in collective consciousness.
Except now these rules are breaking down. The current paradigm is breaking down. Women have had it. It’s all but finished.
There is a great opportunity at hand.
It’s called women.
If we could start getting our relationships right, by really meeting each other in fullness and openness, strength and vulnerability, beauty and total respect, I believe some great change might happen.
But as long as this dysfunctional relating perpetuates nothing is going anywhere.
I’m not sure many guys have the capacity to meet women on this level. I wish I were wrong, and I hope I am.
Change won't happen until we do.